A grieving process takes place when a relationship ends. If your relationship with your partner has ended due to domestic abuse, family and friends may tell you that you are “better off,” to “get over it” and advise you to “get on with your life.”
      While they mean well, they may not understand the necessity for a period of grieving.
      Even if you are or have been a victim of domestic violence and you have not left your partner, you still may need to grieve about your hopes and expectations for the relationship.

Dimensions of Loss

      Your partner is no longer present in your life or present in the same way. If you share children, the person may always play a role in your life as the other parent, but will no longer be your partner.
      Children are affected by a parent’s grieving process. You may try to overcompensate and become overly attentive. On the other hand, you may be so overwhelmed that you become distant and inattentive to your children. It will be important for you to take care of yourself during this period so you will be able to help them maintain some sense of security. Remember, just as you have suffered the loss of a relationship, so have they.
      Survivors of domestic abuse may suffer a loss of innocence. No one marries or commits to another individual expecting that person to hurt us.
      Survivors of domestic abuse may also experience a loss of trust, not only relative to the abusive partner, but in themselves as well. You may ask yourself how you could have let this happen to you or how you could have allowed it to continue for so long. You may not trust yourself to make better partner choices in the future. You may not trust in your abilities to establish a career and care for your children. You may suffer a loss of self-confidence and self-esteem.
      Children may be especially vulnerable to a loss of trust. Often the child may think that the break-up of the parents was somehow their fault. While they, too, will go through a grieving process, still they often cling to the hope that mom and dad will get back together.

Summary:
      Grieving is a normal reaction to the loss of a relationship whether it was a healthy one or not. Allow yourself the time to grieve. Know that each person's grieving period will be different. If you continue grieving beyond a period comfortable for you, you should seek help from a local domestic violence center in your area.
      After a normal, healthy period of grieving and adjusting, begin a plan for recovery.

      Remember, grief is a process...recovery is a choice!